Another week on the strokie roller-coaster

The first thing to say is that I haven't punched or sworn at anyone this week, which might come as a relief to anyone concerned about my welfare after last week's post.

That's not to say that the week has been easy; far from it. I saw my neuropsychologist last Thursday to get the results of the brain tests which were done last month. It's fair to say that they were a mixed bag.

In some areas, the results suggested that my brain has recovered to something like what it was pre-stroke. In others, there has been little or no progress. Some of this is probably due to post-stress fatigue and the catalogue of worries which come with post-stroke life, but some of it is obviously long-term harm.

Over the last 18 months, I've come to know a lot about the idea of neuroplasticity (strokies will understand, the rest of you can Google it, lol) and I would particularly recommend a book called 'The Brain That Changes Itself' by Norman Doidge. I was given it last year by a fellow strokie and found it useful in helping me to understand how the damaged brain finds new neural pathways (again, Google it) to replace those lost or damaged through traumatic injury.

This process takes years, of course. It helps those of us who are determined to be positive because it keeps us looking forward and seeing a half-full glass, but it can't acknowledge how difficult it is to deal with the day-to-day struggles of life while recovery continues.

For instance, those results have made me question where I am going on a long-term basis. Will I ever again be fit enough to work full-time (by which I mean a five-day 40-hour week)? If not, what does a future of part-time work look like at the age of 51? Is it more financially secure than where we are now? If not, what's Plan C? Or Plan D?

The neuropsychologist wants to see us again ASAP to discuss this further. I'm trying to be positive and, as always, just take each day as it comes. But I can understand why plenty of disabled people start to wonder how much more of this they can take. And I have only one thing to deal with - I know far too many who have rather more than one.

Let's lighten the mood, shall we? This week, I broke through the £1,000 barrier in terms of sponsorship received for my recent run in aid of stroke-survivor charity Different Strokes. You can still donate at uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillow. All the proceeds will go to helping DS (differentstrokes.co.uk) maintain the Facebook group which it runs and which has been an invaluable resource for me in terms of getting help, advice and most crucially, support in difficult times.

Given that I didn't have a target in mind when I first decided to do the run, I'm pleased and proud to have generated so much. Thanks to everyone who has sponsored and supported me; if I have helped to raise the profile of DS by one iota, all that pain was worth it.

Many of you will be aware that I have a long-term goal to qualify as a counsellor. For various reasons, my latest course got off to a shaky start but things really picked up this week and I promised a fellow student that I would give it a mention in this week's blog. For obvious reasons, I don't want to go too far but if any fellow students are reading this, they'll know who they are.

Finally, #breathebalancebeactivatedEmily suggested this week that I start to investigate having a proper presence on YouTube, talking about my situation. It's something I've never explored because I felt it was at the edge of my very limited technological ability. I should start now. As much advice as possible would be welcome. Just don't leave me as confused as I'm starting to feel about my financial future.