tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91933221655628658152024-03-12T19:46:24.198-07:00The WarriorThe sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-2434843172863798342016-02-10T04:56:00.000-08:002016-02-10T04:56:30.984-08:00`The devil's juice'I was speaking this week to some members of a business networking group with which I'm involved. I told them my story, talked about how I put my stroke down to work stress and how I now tell friends and former colleagues about the dangers of thinking that there are 28 hours in a day and that most of them should be spent working.<br />
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As usually happens, my audience nodded sagely and wrote down key points about what I was saying. And I've no doubt that, as usually happens, everyone forgot what I'd said within ten minutes of leaving the meeting. Working stupid hours and piling on the pressure often comes with the territory in the world of work, especially for the self-employed; fighting against it can often cause problems with employers or, in the case of the business-owner, the customers from whom you make a living.<br />
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But there had been a story in the news that morning which gave me another angle of attack - one which I'm sure my audience of parents and grandparents, aunties and uncles hadn't really thought about and which really did cause them to ponder.<br />
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I'm talking about the dangers of energy drinks - beloved by so many young people yet incredibly dangerous as a risk factor in causing strokes. The high amounts of caffeine in these drinks mean they can raise the blood pressure to absurd levels very quickly, thus making a stroke much more likely.<br />
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One of my very best friends in the strokie world, who had her stroke when she was 14, attributes it entirely to the amount of energy drinks she was consuming at the time. Understandably, she is passionate about making her school and college friends and other young people aware of the risks. In fact, she used the words 'the devil's juice' about energy drinks in a discussion about this story on one of the stroke-survivor websites I use. I wouldn't disagree.<br />
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I know many schools now ban energy drinks from the premises but that doesn't stop young people from having them elsewhere (and others, of course - I know successful businessmen who used to exist almost solely on a diet of energy drinks).<br />
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My audience at that talk left ready to tell their children, nephews, nieces etc about the risks of energy drinks and perhaps even stop them using them. And if one young person is able to escape a stroke as a result, I'll be happy.<br />
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•YOU might recall that I discussed my writing difficulties in last week's post. I'm pleased to say that a solution has been found which will enable me to use my laptop in the exam, rather than have to struggle with pen and paper. The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-44381731328970025622016-02-03T06:38:00.000-08:002016-02-03T06:38:24.578-08:00It's as easy as picking up a pen. Really? Writing is what I do. It's been my raison d'etre ever since I was at school and even now, 40 years later, it's still what I love.<br />
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News stories of 400 words, football match reports of 800 words, 'think-pieces' of anything up to 2,000 words, all flow easily. I have 14,000 words of a book about my recovery sitting on the back-burner somewhere in my computer and I am 8,000 words into a novella which I intend to publish in the spring.<br />
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I know it's a wonderful gift and something happened this week which made me realise how fortunate I am to have it and how lucky I am still to be able to use it.<br />
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My stroke damaged my left side and although I recovered the use of my left arm and hand (my writing hand, that is) fairly quickly, there is still some residual weakness. Carrying a hot cup of coffee can be inadvisable to the point of foolishness, my left hand sometimes curls up into a ball of its own accord and while I am able to write using a pen or pencil, I would prefer not to - it's too painful.<br />
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In the college course I'm undertaking, I use my laptop computer for the purposes of note-taking, typing with one (sometimes two - get me!!) fingers of my right hand. But this week, as part of a mock exam, I had to handwrite for 25 minutes then, after a break of about 15-20 minutes, for another half-hour.<br />
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Reader, it was agony. My wrist quickly stiffened up and began to ache; the dull ache transmitted itself up my arm towards my elbow. After 15 minutes, the apparently simple act of gripping a pen was difficult. A few more minutes and my handwriting, never particularly legible at best, was a spidery and child-like scrawl. I could hardly hold the pen, never mind write with it. I couldn't wait to get back to the security of a computer keyboard. And I have only mild left-sided weakness.<br />
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I know too many stroke-survivors and other disabled people for whom the apparently simple act of picking up a pen and writing is close to impossible. Those who have to communicate with the world solely by computer keyboard - and who get tired out even doing that. If the stroke or other disability has scrambled their brain sufficiently that even putting the words in the right order is a challenge, it must be Hell.<br />
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So I'm lucky to still be able to know what I want to say and to be able to say it coherently, even if it is via computer keyboard. But the realisation this week that something I love doing is still a huge challenge, more than two years post-stroke, was just a little frightening. The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-36539867809161367162016-01-27T04:35:00.002-08:002016-01-27T04:35:26.581-08:00A wonderful piece of kit - until it goes wrongStroke affects people in so many different ways. In some cases, the physical effects can be almost invisible; you could look at The Warrior, for instance and think that there is nothing whatsoever wrong, except for the fact that my walking is a little bit more shaky than before my stroke (and it wasn't great then....)<br />
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Yet some people are left paralysed or in wheelchairs for life. It all depends on the severity of the stroke and which part of the brain is affected, of course. I know stroke-survivors who seem perfectly healthy to look at, but have had half their skull replaced by a titanium plate. Yet I know survivors who still need electrical stimulation to make their arms or legs move, more than a decade after their stroke. I know survivors who have lost 60% of their vision and survivors who find it almost impossible to read, because their brains cannot cope with putting the words in the right order. Or, as one person put it on a website I use: "Thankfully, there was minimal lasting physical damage, but the exhaustion, pain and effect on my mind has been profound."<br />
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This thought was brought home to me this week when I attended a workshop at Stroke Association House in London. The workshop was about how survivors can play a bigger part in research into the psychological effects of stroke. It was a very worthwhile, if slightly exhausting, day (The Warrior doesn't normally do 5.45am alarm calls). Apart from three medical professionals who work for the Association, the twenty-plus people in attendance were all strokies or carers. The survivors had all suffered their stroke at various different times of life (one while in the womb) and been left with vastly different degrees or types of disability.<br />
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This is why I think research into stroke and into the workings of the brain is so important. We know about some of the risk factors and I talk about them at length in my talks and my writings, but the brain is such a complex piece of kit that much more research needs to be done.<br />
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I know a great deal more about it than I ever did before December 16 2013, but I have found that my interest in knowing more has grown rapidly. Hence, I want to recommend a six-part series which began on BBC4 on Thursday January 21 (9pm). The first episode can be seen on the iPlayer and I'd recommend that anyone who wants to know more about the brain starts to follow it.<br />
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Like most BBC4 documentaries, you do have to concentrate (it's not something to be half-watched while doing the washing-up) but I found the first episode thoroughly worthwhile.<br />
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If you want to know more about how the brain works and why and how it occasionally goes wrong (maybe it's my inquisitive journalistic mind, but having mine go wrong did make me want to find out more) I'd thoroughly recommend it.The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-55658048715761048712016-01-20T04:24:00.000-08:002016-01-20T04:24:29.396-08:00Act fast - you could help to save someone's lifeWhat would you do if you saw someone in the street and you thought they were having a stroke? Do you know the signs to look for? Do you know that time is of the essence if the extent of the damage caused to the brain is to be limited?<br />
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Those were three subjects that came up during the question-and-answer session after the talk I gave yesterday to a business networking group about my stroke-survivor story and the nude sponsored run I undertook last September.<br />
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I was able to look back at my own experience and think that in those vital first few minutes, I was treated in textbook fashion. As I struggled to get off the road where I had collapsed and tried to cling on to a lamppost with my one working hand, I was lucky enough to be spotted by someone I knew from my business networking activities. As it happened, I had been on my way to the shop she owns when I collapsed.<br />
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As I recall it, this lady and a colleague dragged me through the doorway of the shop, sat me down and instantly rang 999. A paramedic was on the scene within a few minutes and he was able to do the necessary tests. Had my face drooped on one side? No, thankfully. Could I lift my arms above my head and keep them there? No. That's a bad sign. Was my speech slurred or garbled? Slightly more than normal, lol. Another bad sign.<br />
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Two out of three was bad so the paramedic rang instantly for an ambulance. That arrived just minutes later and I'm told that the resulting traffic jam of two ambulances in the street where most of Tamworth's buses stop was so severe that it made that week's edition of the local paper.<br />
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The ambulance men carried out some more tests which I don't remember, before lifting me on to a stretcher, rapidly pushing me into the back of their vehicle and blue-lighting me to the local hospital. If you observe the speed limits, that journey takes about 15 minutes. I remember that we did it in eight.<br />
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The speed of the whole process was remarkable. Within an hour of collapsing, I was in a hospital bed. Yet I know stroke-survivors who had completely the opposite experience. Where members of the public didn't know what to do, didn't call an ambulance, didn't recognise the signs. There is no doubt that those people had their recovery set back as a result.<br />
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So remember the signs. F=Face; A=Arms; S=Speech; T=Time. If you do find yourself in the position of my networking friend, make sure you know the signs to look for and get a paramedic on the scene as soon as possible. You could help to save someone's life. I am convinced that lady's prompt action helped to save mine. The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-76150309126776191922016-01-13T05:14:00.001-08:002016-01-13T05:29:26.144-08:00So how will you spend YOUR dash? It became obvious pretty quickly to me post-stroke that there just isn't enough support, advice and help out there for strokies and their carers. Those who are providing it do sterling work, but there should be more.<br />
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That there isn't probably partly comes down to what an eminent neurosurgeon once told me. He was talking about funding for stroke research as against funding for research into other serious illnesses and disabilities, but it applies to other things, as well. "Stroke isn't sexy," he said.<br />
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It was a rather blunt way of putting it, but you know what he meant.<br />
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Hearing those words cemented an idea which was already forming in my mind about re-training to provide counselling for stroke-survivors and carers. After all, there aren't enough qualified counsellors at all, there aren't enough male counsellors and there aren't enough disabled counsellors, those who have walked in the footsteps of stroke-survivors.<br />
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So I'm now training to be a counsellor and hope to qualify in two or three years. So far, it's been fascinating, rewarding and challenging. I know it will get considerably more challenging and I do wonder how my strokie-brain will cope, but I won't know unless I try, will I?<br />
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Obviously, what goes on in my counselling lessons is confidential, but I can say that during a recent lesson, our tutor introduced us to 'The Dash Poem' by Linda Ellis (find it at www.Linda-Ellis.com). It's often read at funerals and it encouraged the class to think about what we do with our lives and how we will be remembered when we're gone.<br />
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As a strokie, perhaps I can't do as much these days as I'd like to but I can still try to be the best I can, given my circumstances. That's why I write this blog, that's why I'm currently working on a short novel, that's why I do talks about stroke-education and it's why I want to be a counsellor. If that's what I can do given my situation, I might as well be as good as I can at it.<br />
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*Speaking of talks, if you run your own business and are into business networking or would like to try it, I'm speaking at a couple of meetings in the Midlands over the next week or so. I'll be talking about my recent fundraising run for the Different Strokes charity at 4Networking's Birmingham Lunch event on Tuesday January 19 (details at https://www.4networking.biz/Events/Group/Birmingham%20Lunch) and the Lichfield Breakfast meeting on Thursday January 21 (details at https://www.4networking.biz/Events/Group/Lichfield). I'd love to see you at one or preferably both of these!The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-21155169078813086132016-01-06T12:05:00.001-08:002016-01-06T12:05:27.067-08:00The importance of getting together and talking about spaghetti on toast<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">"Yay, I just ate spaghetti on toast with a knife and fork, b****y thrilled."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">"It's finally nice to read something and know I can relate and that others may be able to relate with me. Finally a good feeling"</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">I've taken those words (with permission, of course) from a couple of posts today on Different Strokes, one of the several stroke-survivor Facebook groups, internet forums and websites I use and contribute to. I've </span><span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">chosen them because they sum up the importance to strokies of feeling that they are not alone. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Like, I'm sure, lots of disabled people, stroke-survivors can be prone to bouts of low mood and even depression. Heck, The Warrior even gets it occasionally. It's the 'why did it happen to me?' syndrome.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">The fact is, of course, that it was just as likely to happen to you as anyone else and now that it has, you can't s</span><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">tuff the genie back in the bottle. So it's important to keep your spirits up, to feel that you're not alone, to feel supported in as many ways as possible by your fellow strokies, wherever they may be. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Last week, a lady stopped me in a shop in Tamworth and introduced herself. I'd never met her in person but we feel like old friends because of the relationship we've built up online as stroke-survivors. Through the internet, we encourage each other (the lady with the spaghetti on toast has had 38 messages of encouragement as I write; today spaghetti on toast, tomorrow, who knows?); we give each other advice about how to deal with the minefield which is the Department of Work and Pensions; we tell each other that no, you're not the first person ever to have had that symptom, it's perfectly common and there's no need to worry about it. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">And our carers also find support in this way. There is next to no help available in the UK for carers of strokies; for the people who didn't sign up for this but who now find themselves living with a totally different person, both mentally and physically, to the one they first met. That's not fair, it shouldn't happen, so the more help and support we can give each other, the better. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">My support network of these groups stretches right around the UK and across the Atlantic to the West Coast of the USA. It's vital to me and it helps me if I can feel I am supporting other people, whether strokies or carers. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Many strokies are stuck at home all day and night, staring at four walls, because of their mobility problems. Anything which can help them get over the loneliness should be supported and encouraged. I hope that by drawing attention to groups like these, I can do my bit. </span></span>The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-23504782500203451182015-12-30T04:12:00.002-08:002015-12-30T04:12:47.146-08:00Thank you, Lemmy, for the soundtrack of my lifeThis week's post is not, for once, about you-know-what. In fact, I'm not even going to mention it in passing.<br />
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Rather, my subject is my lifelong love of rock music; in particular, the loud, fast, aggressive form of rock known as heavy metal. It began in my early teens, when I discovered there was a great deal more to West Midlands favourites Slade than <i>that </i>Christmas song and I began exploring the back catalogue of such bands as Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath.<br />
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By the time I was ready for sixth form, I was regularly going to rock gigs at the old Birmingham Odeon and had a record collection which took up much of two cabinets in the living room of our house.<br />
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It was then that I first came into contact with Motorhead, through their 1979 album 'Bomber'. As loud, fast, aggressive as they come and thoroughly hated by my parents, it was the epitome of heavy metal.<br />
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But it was outdone by the 1980 album 'Ace of Spades', still one of the finest metal albums ever made, in my view. And even that was outclassed by the 1981 live production, 'No Sleep 'Til Hammersmith'. I remember a magazine review at the time saying that 'No Sleep..' was heavy metal at its finest. Thirty-five years later, I still don't think there has been a better example of the genre.<br />
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All this, of course, is by way of acknowledgement of the death this week at the age of 70 of Motorhead's frontman and bass player, Lemmy. Tales of his off-stage exploits are, of course, legendary; of how his prodigious capacity for drugs and alcohol meant he should have been dead years ago.<br />
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But I'm not interested in that here. I'm interested in how he and his band sold millions of records by almost single-handedly creating a style which you either loved or hated. No-one sang like Lemmy; no-one played bass guitar like Lemmy; bands which today are considered rock legends in their own right, such as Metallica, Megadeth and Slayer acknowledge that they were inspired by Lemmy and Motorhead.<br />
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He once said "If I died tomorrow, I couldn't complain. It's been good." Which is a pretty good way to look at life and one which plenty of survivors of that thing I'm not mentioning this week might aspire to as they survey their life.<br />
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In the official announcement of his death, his band-mates urged fans to play his music LOUD in his memory. I have and I will continue to do so. And I'll remember all the good memories that music brought me over the years.<br />
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Seek out 'No Sleep 'Til Hammersmith.' You might love it, you might hate it, but you certainly can't ignore it. And we all want to be remembered in some way when we're gone, don't we?<br />
<br />The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-3681759956172271272015-12-23T13:56:00.002-08:002015-12-23T13:56:53.623-08:00A year to look forward toMarking last week's second anniversary of my stroke caused me to overlook the fact that it was also the first birthday of this blog.<br />
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If you've been with me all through that time, you'll know that The Warrior was born as a means of helping me mark my first strokeversary and as a way to get my message about stroke education across to more people.<br />
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It's certainly done that. As of today (December 23 2015) this blog has had 5,901 page views; not an enormous number and certainly nowhere near enough for me to make any money out of blogging, but proof that plenty of people are interested enough in my story to seek me out.<br />
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As with every writer, I do enjoy knowing that people read my stuff, but that's been part of me ever since I got my first byline in the Tamworth Herald in March 1986.<br />
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In 2016, you'll also be able to see me. I'm putting to good use knowledge gleaned from those who know far more about the technical side of social media than I do and although I keep coming up against stumbling blocks (partly of my own making, I must admit), I will be on video through Periscope and YouTube in the new year. After all, every other journalist I know seems to have to do videos of their stories these days.<br />
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I am also keen to become involved in a new support group for stroke-survivors and their carers which a friend of mine is hoping to get off the ground. I cannot say too much, but anyone who knows The Warrior will know that improving the quantity and quality of support and help for those who have to live with and deal with us strokies on a daily basis is one of my passions.<br />
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Plenty to look forward to in 2016, then. But, of course, my mantra is that there is plenty to look forward to in every day if only you go and look for it. That's especially true tomorrow, Christmas Eve. There's whiskey to drink to celebrate Mrs Warrior's mother's birthday. And I've still got Christmas presents to buy.The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-39426614449864274462015-12-16T05:18:00.002-08:002015-12-16T05:18:49.444-08:00Strokeversary thoughts How should one mark the anniversary of an event which nearly killed you and in any event, changed your life irrevocably?<br />
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Unsurprisingly, it's a question which stroke-survivors ask ourselves and our fellow strokies a lot. Do we mourn for the life we lost on that day and the old version of us which went with it? Or do we celebrate the fact that we survived to tell the tale and enjoy all the things we have done with our 'new' lives since then?<br />
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Do we continue treating each new day as a blessing, 24 hours to be enjoyed and appreciated as much as we can? Do we look back in anger and ask 'why me?' Or do we, like Oasis, decide not to take that path and instead ask "Why not me, I'm no different to anyone else'?<br />
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Of course, there's a reason for all this philosophical musing. Today, Wednesday December 16 2015, is the second anniversary of the afternoon when, as I've said a million times since, I suffered a stroke while crossing a busy road near my home in Tamworth, collapsed and was nearly run over by a 47-seater bus. <br />
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I pass the scene of the crime almost every day, so I long since stopped suffering from flashbacks about it, which I know trouble many strokies. But it's inevitable that this day will cause me to stop and think. What was I doing? Where had I been? Did I have any warning? (Answer - no). Is there anything I would have done differently? (Answer - no. There are two routes I could have taken from Tamworth railway station to Warrillow Towers and taking the other route would only have seen me collapse on a busier road).<br />
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And the next few weeks will, I'm sure, be full of memories. Being rushed to hospital. Spending four weeks there over Christmas and New Year. Being paralysed for a while. Starting the painful process of re-learning how to walk and talk and write and generally survive. Being thrown into the world of the disabled person. All the inevitable questions about my future (many of which are still unresolved two years later).<br />
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It's been an extraordinary journey; it still is and I don't see it stopping any time soon. One full of ups and downs, one which is unpredictable from one day to the next. I wish I wasn't facing up to the prospect of never doing full-time work again - I'm far too young for that. I wish being a strokie didn't sometimes seem to define my life. I wish I could walk properly. I wish I wasn't brain-damaged. I wish I didn't have to take blood-thinners, watch my alcohol intake, be on a seemingly never-ending treadmill of medical appointments. I sometimes wish people didn't ask me "How are you" and mean it. I'm fine, by the way. I got up this morning and I'm breathing; that'll do.<br />
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But I'm grateful that I wake up every morning to face another day. I'm grateful for all the new experiences I've had, for all the wonderful people I've met and continue to meet, both virtually and in real life; I'm grateful for whatever put me on the long road to trying to qualify as a counsellor, I'm grateful, as so many strokies say, for a second chance at life.<br />
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So I won't be miserable today; I won't mourn my old life. Yes, I'll think about the events of December 16 2013 and immediately after but I've moved on to my new life. I might even take the advice of one of my best strokie friends who said the best way to mark the day was 'get a few bottles of cheap wine and just get p***ed' (as much as I'm allowed to, given my tablets and my streaming cold).<br />
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But, like Oasis, I definitely don't see the point of looking back in anger. It's happened, there's nothing I can do about it, I just have to get on with whatever life throws at me. And Warriors tend to be pretty good at that.The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-33964250694670707032015-12-09T04:40:00.002-08:002015-12-09T04:40:56.031-08:00So what do you know about your brain? What do you have stuck to the side of your fridge? A calendar? A parish newsletter? A fridge magnet or six? I've got all of the above but perhaps the most important thing is a factsheet produced by Headway, the brain injury association.<br />
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It's six pages of facts you probably didn't know about that thing which sits inside your skull and controls the various different parts of our daily lives.<br />
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For instance, the brain weighs about 3lb or just under 1.5kg. It's made up of around 100 billion nerve cells and even more support cells which nourish the nerve cells. And if those two facts don't make you think, did you know that the brain has the texture of a blancmange? (I hate blancmange, lol...).<br />
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When the brain is damaged in any way, by a stroke or some other form of traumatic head injury, the effect is similar to that of vigorously shaking a plate of blancmange; it shears and tears, disrupting the pathways of communication between those billions of cells. That's possibly why I've heard people say that having a stroke is like having a nuclear bomb go off in your head; it is not unlike the effect a nuclear bomb would have if it were to go off on dry land (and in my case, that's exactly what it felt like).<br />
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Obviously, this can be devastating; it's why some stroke-survivors lose the ability to walk, speak, write, read, see......It's also why recovery can take so long. All of those billions of cells can eventually reconfigure themselves but it can take years; someone once described it to me as like trying to get to London from the West Midlands but the M1 is shut; you have to go down the A5 and you haven't used the A5 for 50 years, so you have to look at every road sign, check your map, reconfigure your satnav and it all takes ten times as long.<br />
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Consequently, some recoveries are quicker than others. Just a week short of my second anniversary, I probably look as if I've recovered more or less completely from a physical standpoint. My brain, that 3lb lump of blancmange inside my skull, will tell you otherwise. I've been reading the latest report from my consultant about some tests I had done on my brain a couple of months ago. Obviously, a fair amount of it is written in complex medical language, but I'm smart enough to be able to understand phrases such as 'likely permanent deficit."<br />
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But a lot of stroke-survivors don't accept the medical view that once you've reached a certain level of recovery, that's it. We believe that with constant mental and physical stimulation, we can keep recovering. I know people who are 18 years post-stroke and still think they are getting better, that those billions of cells are reconfiguring themselves.<br />
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For me, there is no other way to think (even when Emily is being brutal with me, lol). Otherwise, I might just as well sit in a chair and fester for however long the medical profession thinks I'll live. It's hard at times, I do let myself down at times (don't I, Emily?) but I didn't get that Warrior tattoo for nothing; and if I'm going to have to live with that image of a blancmange inside my skull for the rest of my life, I might as well be trying to put that broken blancmange back together. The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-83602277022412925692015-12-02T04:32:00.001-08:002015-12-02T04:32:48.496-08:00Supermarket stress<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: 16px;">
I had a message this week from a fellow-strokie who told me that last week's blog made her laugh out loud. In a good way, obviously. </div>
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Well, it's certainly my intention to cheer people up with what I write, but that's the first time in nearly a year that I've had a reader say that. I'm not quite sure what she'll make of this week's effort. </div>
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I've mentioned previously about the mood-swings which can afflict stroke-survivors; and I've often commented on how we don't cope well with stress. In my own case, if I get too stressed, I get thunderous headaches and a feeling that the top of my head is going to explode. </div>
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Come with me, then, to Monday morning this week and my local branch of a well-known German discount supermarket. For reasons I won't trouble you with, we weren't able to do the weekly shop on Saturday or Sunday so I ventured out on my own to start the week (No, don't suggest online shopping......)</div>
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I was there by 8.30am because busy places trouble me (another effect of strokie-dom) and was doing pretty well until I got to within five yards of the till area - at which point I realised I'd come out without any money or any other means of paying. We all do it, of course - I once had to wait on a petrol-station forecourt while Mrs W ran home to get some cash to pay for £40 of unleaded - but strokies worry more than others about such things. </div>
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Happily, because Warrillow Towers is only over the road and most of the staff know me, I was able to park the trolley somewhere safe inside the store, 'sprint' home (OK, I don't sprint...) collect my debit card and pay for the goods. </div>
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At which point, I thought my stress was over. Until I got to the car, loaded the bags in the boot, got in the driver's seat, switched on the engine, put the car into reverse and moved two inches backwards. At which point I heard a loud banging noise behind me. </div>
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Now having just gone through a difficult and expensive insurance claim after a disagreement with a bollard in a hospital car park, noises like that worry me. So I looked round and saw an elderly gentleman banging fiercely on the boot of my car. I recognised him from earlier; I'd seen him in the store getting into arguments with other customers and demanding that the staff get out of the way of his wife, who was using two walking sticks. I'd describe him as one of those people who thinks his wife is the only disabled person on the planet and that the world revolves around her. </div>
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I wound down the window and, trying to keep my cool, asked him to stop banging and pointed out that it wasn't terribly safe to walk two inches behind a reversing car if you have trouble walking. He replied rather fiercely, wondering again if I knew that his wife was on sticks and couldn't walk too quickly. At which point, I'm afraid I lost it. </div>
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I shouted that I'd seen him being argumentative in the store, that I was also disabled, that I had a Blue Badge and was entitled to it and that if he continued like that, he was asking for trouble. I'm afraid I might have sworn under my breath. He certainly swore under his. </div>
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Now I wasn't going to have a physical argument with two elderly disabled people in a supermarket car park, so I floored the accelerator and left the scene. But the incident troubled me all day. I'd done nothing wrong; yet had I over-reacted? I had one of those thunderous headaches all morning and couldn't concentrate on some college work. I was so tired that I fell asleep for an hour in the afternoon. </div>
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It wasn't a nice incident and it's worried me all week. I shall certainly avoid him in future. And it shows how fragile a strokie's emotions can be. Previously, I'd have shrugged it off. Now, I'm finding that difficult. </div>
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Comments, anyone? </div>
The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-70684800249762703742015-11-25T06:53:00.001-08:002015-11-25T06:53:46.263-08:00Sometimes even warriors need help to re-discover that positive chargePositive mental attitude is something I talk about a lot in terms of stroke rehabilitation: if you don't believe you'll improve and keep improving, then you won't. If you do, you will. And if you don't do something about it, you certainly won't.<br />
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And part of the thinking behind calling this blog 'The Warrior' was to reflect that desire for positive mental attitude. Warriors don't stop fighting, do they?<br />
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This week, however, I've struggled to live up to my own words. Domestic life has been stressful for various reasons and some home-improvement work has massively disrupted the normal daily schedule of life at Warrillow Towers.<br />
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The first really cold spell of the winter hasn't helped; warriors aren't supposed to sit inside their castles with thick thermal gloves on and wearing two jumpers because they are freezing cold. But being outside in the cold, wind and rain isn't good for me, my blood-thinning tablets make me feel cold anyway and someone needed to be in the house to supervise the home improvements.<br />
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So by Monday evening, this particular warrior was seriously lacking in PMA. But as always, my fellow college students in counselling skills acted as a sounding-board for me to let off steam and a brutal session in the gym on Tuesday with <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/breathebalancebeactivated?source=feed_text&story_id=10206786765100601" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; text-decoration: none;"><span aria-label="hashtag" class="_58cl" style="color: #627aad;">#</span><span class="_58cm">breathebalancebeactivated</span></a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Emily left me </span></span><span style="line-height: 18px;">realising just how far I have come since December 16 2013; after all, focusing on what you can do, not what you can't do, is the definition of PMA, isn't it? </span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 18px;">Tuesday evening, however, saw another setback. The gym session wore me out more than I had imagined and I let it trouble me; which brought bad thoughts to the fore about our ongoing financial difficulties and my own future in general. I needed a boost and this morning (Wednesday) I got one; well, two, in fact. First, my good friend Mel Eves, who some of you may remember from his previous life as a professional footballer in the 1970's and '80's with Wolverhampton Wanderers, came to visit me at Warrillow Towers. Mel is an expert in sports performance and on the need for elite sportsmen to be 'in the zone' when they are performing. Positive mental attitude is key and if you are interested, I recommend you check out his website at www.wellnesswizard.co.uk. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">An hour with Mel, working on my mental approach to my thoughts and life in general, lifted my mood. Then, I had a visit from a networking friend, Amanda Goldston. To quote a testimonial I read about her recently, Amanda is the ''</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f2e; line-height: 20px;">MAD Woman of MAD Woman Academy helping Magnificent, Awesome, Daring Women to clear away blocks to money." She talks to men, as well, I'm pleased to say and she was visiting to deliver some relaxation tapes which I am hoping can be used to help fellow stroke-survivors. </span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 18px;">But we also began talking about a project for which she volunteers called Walking For Health (walkingforhealth.org.uk). Run by the Ramblers and Macmillan Cancer Support, it provides thousands of walks of varying degrees of difficulty to help people improve their health. There are several free walks (the magic word there is free, lol....) within a few miles of Warrillow Towers and I may well try one soon. When and if, I do, you can be sure I'll blog about it. And I go into the next seven days with a much more positive attitude. </span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-75329526660191842222015-11-18T04:07:00.001-08:002015-11-18T04:09:55.454-08:00An unexpected start to my day Like too many of us these days, the first thing I do when I come downstairs in the morning is check my phone; text messages, emails, Facebook, the ESPN Sportscenter website (don't ask....).<br />
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Only when that is done do I open the curtains, feed the cat and the dog and do all my other early-morning tasks.<br />
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Often, the only thing of importance is another rude email from the bank or a message from one of my strokie friends on the west coast of the USA. On Friday, however, one message really shook me out of half-sleep.<br />
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It was from a (necessarily anonymous) friend who said that two people very close to her had been forced to deal with stroke in the last couple of weeks. One involved someone suffering a fatal stroke, another person had been left paralysed down their left side (as I was, of course).<br />
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My friend was seeking advice, help, details of support groups and so on; it's a scenario I come across all too often. Stroke hits completely unexpectedly and often, the person involved, their family and friends haven't a clue where to turn.<br />
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The NHS does its best with limited resources but their focus is on the person who has had the stroke, not their family and friends. Yet these people also find their lives turned upside down in an instant. They may have to give up work/reduce their hours to care for someone, so finance becomes a major issue; they almost certainly don't know where to go for help and advice; they don't know what is going to happen in the long term; they probably don't know what caused the stroke; they don't know what the after-effects (which can be many and varied - every single stroke is different) will be. The stress is enormous. And the one thing survivors are supposed to avoid is stress.<br />
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They need someone to talk to and stroke-support groups for carers and survivors are crucial. So often, I come across people who ask if this or that symptom is normal post-stroke - whether it's depression, mood-swings, sensitivity to noise, forgetfulness, fatigue or any one of plenty more. Too many people aren't told what will happen, when it will happen, whether the survivor will get better and how quickly and so on.<br />
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Joining support groups or just talking to survivors and carers is an important part of the rehabilitation process. Yet funding for groups like this is, unsurprisingly, not easy to find. Which is why blogs like this and the work so many survivors and carers do in educating others are so important.<br />
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I love writing this blog every Wednesday. I'd do it even if no-one was reading it. But messages like that I received on Friday make me realise why I do it. The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-62295023691935260372015-11-12T05:02:00.000-08:002015-11-13T03:23:53.328-08:00Camera-shy? Me? No, of course not.....At a networking meeting I attended this morning, someone said that most people's biggest phobia surrounds having to speak in public (Obviously, the speaker, who is a life coach, wasn't one of them.)<br />
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Public speaking, either to an audience, into a microphone or into a TV camera, has never bothered me. I was sports editor of the student radio station at Loughborough University in the mid-80s, I've done countless presentations to business networking meetings and since my stroke, I've appeared on radio and TV talking about my experience.<br />
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I've even done presentations in the nude to entirely naked audiences at naturist events. After all, they do say one of the best ways to combat public-speaking phobia (is there a word for it?) is to imagine that the audience is nude.<br />
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Consequently, when I get the chance to educate an audience anywhere about stroke, I generally take it. I was contacted recently by Megan Trowell, production co-ordinator for a new project from the Stroke Association called "My Stroke Guide.' It's intended as (I quote...) "a digital self-management tool to support people in their recovery following a stroke."<br />
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Available on mainstream digital platforms, it will feature information <span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">on how to deal with the effects of stroke, advice and signposting on key issues that people face after stroke, goal-setting tools and graphs for individuals, memory and concentration games, peer-to-peer support, online forums and an extensive video library.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Megan wanted me to tell my </span>story<span style="font-family: inherit;"> for six of those videos, each dealing with some of the problems that all strokies face and how I have managed (or failed) to deal with them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Megan and her camerawoman </span>Rochielle<span style="font-family: inherit;"> spent five hours on Wednesday this week at Warrillow Towers, filming me telling my story </span>and<span style="font-family: inherit;"> relating my experiences over issues such as </span>headaches, vision problems, fatigue, irritability and the like.<br />
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It all went superbly (I think) and I am looking forward to seeing the results. At the moment, because the site is so new, stroke survivors who are interested in the project will get a log-in and an introduction to the site from a member of staff at the Stroke Association who will support them to use it. Therefore, MSG is currently only available to people living within an area where there is a Stroke Association service supported by the local health board or authority and/or the NHS via a contract.<br />
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Obviously, the eventual aim is for all stroke survivors to be able to use it but, as always, money will probably be the issue. If and when I hear more, I'll blog about it here.<br />
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I must also give my usual quick shout-out to the amazing Emily Smedley. You may recall that last week's session saw me failing dismally to climb on to a platform using my stroke-affected left foot first, then trying and failing to hang a few inches off the ground and being defeated by my poorly left shoulder.<br />
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Well, things were a little better this week. I still didn't manage the platform, but I felt slightly more confident in doing both that and trying to hang, while we did plenty of work on my affected visual field; I tried (sometimes successfully!!) to catch a ball and a falling pole using only my left hand.<br />
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Throughout it all, I kept thinking (as I have often said here) "no such word as can't" and I will get there, even if it takes a while.<br />
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PS - I am indebted to Tarnya Brink, who read this post and has now educated me with the knowledge that the fear of public speaking is called glossophobia.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKYg249JAQvxPRDD_7InoS6yHeLPn3MhOr2oebdWHi7Obr-1yRv17hWn3zWDCeF__UhM0C9cpDfgfCWTZejEuycze5Q1p2Ng0UxhcIckvS69xIAGVGX8a-L1ClsWW3lM_f2VmOmvPnAzlr/s1600/IMG_8319MartinWarrillow.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKYg249JAQvxPRDD_7InoS6yHeLPn3MhOr2oebdWHi7Obr-1yRv17hWn3zWDCeF__UhM0C9cpDfgfCWTZejEuycze5Q1p2Ng0UxhcIckvS69xIAGVGX8a-L1ClsWW3lM_f2VmOmvPnAzlr/s320/IMG_8319MartinWarrillow.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Warrior being filmed this week </td></tr>
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The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-75387526495990824452015-11-04T03:23:00.002-08:002015-11-04T03:23:52.895-08:00Why I'll never be a left-winger - not yet, anywayIt's often said by stroke-survivors that coming out on the other side of something so life-threatening gives you a new perspective on life.<br />
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Because no stroke results in the same after-effects, we all deal with that in different ways. Some of us have severe speech problems, some are left dragging their affected side around 'like a sack of spuds' in the evocative phrase used by a close friend of mine, others such as myself have balance and memory issues, others lose large parts of their vision, some are intensely depressed by what has happened.<br />
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The various issues are caused by whichever part of the brain is affected (Google it....) and I consider myself somewhat fortunate to have got away relatively lightly. Since that fateful day in December 2013, I've been able to re-learn how to use my left side, I threw away my sticks in July of this year, I took part in a sponsored run last month, I'm training to be a counsellor, I've done plenty I wouldn't have dreamed of doing when I was a journalist.<br />
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This week delivered another first. Unsurprisingly, it involved physiotherapist Emily Smedley of breathebalancebeactivated. Since I successfully completed my 5km 'run' at the end of September, the focus of my work with Emily has changed. No longer do I lie on the couch for an hour, periodically screaming and howling in agony as she pokes, prods and pushes. For the last three weeks, we have spent time in the gym, with Emily teaching me the basics of boxing.<br />
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It's not just a matter of standing there and flinging punches, although it does help to get out some of my aggression and frustration; rather, my feet have to be in the right place and as we're practicing without gloves, my hands have to be positioned properly. Apparently, it's surprisingly easy to break a finger if you don't do it properly.<br />
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I've also been dragged backwards around the gym with an extendable band around my waist (it improves balance, apparently) but this week's efforts hit new heights - or tried to.<br />
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Emily was only asking me to step up on to a platform which was about a foot off the floor - but to do it using my affected left foot first. And it absolutely wouldn't go.<br />
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I could get up there by resting my hands on the platform, I could easily do it right foot first. But my left foot simply wouldn't play ball. It's a mental block, apparently. We'll be working on it.<br />
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We'll also be working on making me hang in the air with my hands gripping a high horizontal iron frame, with my feet off the floor. At my first attempt, my left shoulder wasn't having any of it; not only is that shoulder on my affected side, I've had problems with it previously.<br />
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Again, it's a mental issue; I did manage to do both these things after a fashion but not to my satisfaction; especially not when I watched Emily climbing over the gym equipment like Spiderwoman.<br />
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But I'll keep going; using the principle that 'there's no such word as can't' I will manage it and it will be another goal achieved, won't it?<br />
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And anyway.....she won't let me focus what I can't do, only on what I can do. Which is a pretty good mantra for stroke-survivors and disabled people everywhere.The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-38348457485467134492015-10-28T04:17:00.000-07:002015-10-28T04:17:30.680-07:00My biggest scare since you-know-whenIs there anything worse than someone who is near-evangelical with health and lifestyle advice on the back of something which happened to them, then goes and completely ignores that advice?<br />
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Probably not. With my hard-nosed journalist's hat on, I could call it hypocritical. As the person involved is me, let's just call it stupid.<br />
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My stroke taught me many things, but key among them were the importance of eating properly, reducing stress, not rushing around trying to do a million things at once, resting properly - all the things I talk about regularly.<br />
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One day this week, I stupidly ignored all that advice and came dangerously close to collapsing (why do I hate that word?) while out walking the dog in Tamworth's Castle Grounds.<br />
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I should have known at lunchtime that something wasn't right. It took too long to write my blog (were the lounge of Warrillow Towers an old newspaper office, the floor would have been awash with torn-up sheets of copy paper....), so I was rushing to have lunch before my 2pm appointment with my counsellor.<br />
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Lunch was supposed to be a jacket potato with a decent filling, but in my haste, I misread the time and when I got it out of the oven, it was still half-cold. So I put it back in the oven for the required time, then ended up rushing to eat it and leave the kitchen in a decent state before going out.<br />
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Unsurprisingly, I then went and vented at my counsellor for an hour, getting out all my frustrations and barely giving her space to speak; it needed doing, but in hindsight, it was just getting me more wound up. I came home just in time to feed the dog and cat, grabbed ten minutes in front of the TV, then decided to take the dog for a walk. Is it any wonder that, as a fellow strokie put it this week about her own bad day, I felt light-headed and wobbly on my pins?<br />
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No, probably not.....<br />
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The dog and I have a regular route through Tamworth's idyllic Castle Grounds for our daily walks; he probably knows the way better than I do. About halfway through our walk, there is a bridge across the river; a left-turn takes us past the wonderful flower-beds by the Castle and through the Town Centre; a right-turn takes us home.<br />
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Normally, we turn left but I knew that if I didn't get home ASAP, I was likely to collapse (there's that word again) and leave the dog unattended. He has our address on his collar and could probably make his own way home without me from where we were, but I'd rather not let him try, thanks.<br />
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As we stood (sort of, in my case) waiting to cross the ridiculously busy road opposite Warrillow Towers, I knew I had to get home quickly, get some food and sit down before I blacked out. My legs were shaking, my head was woozy; this was worse than on that day in December 2013. On that occasion, I had no warning whatsoever about what was coming.<br />
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We just made it home as Mrs W was walking through the front door, having got home from the railway station. She sat me down, ordered me to have two large glasses of water and a couple of bananas and get some rest.<br />
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I barely got out of the chair for the rest of the evening and was in bed by 10pm. At my networking breakfast the following morning, plenty of people asked how I was 'after my wobble." I was OK, but I really could say I was glad to wake up breathing after what felt like a lot more than just a scare. It was proof that I should listen myself to the advice I give other people.<br />
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I've been conscious of that all week; I've eaten properly at breakfast and lunchtime, I've even gone to sleep in the afternoon to benefit from the restorative properties of the power-nap.<br />
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I've frightened myself this week. And I can assure you I won't be doing it again any time soon.The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-87912991812663040212015-10-21T04:48:00.000-07:002015-10-21T04:48:14.767-07:00Getting back on the networking horseRegular readers will know that I'm a keen business networker, mostly as a member of 4Networking. Among other things, it raises my profile and the profile of the work I do in stroke support and education. Having been on the leadership teams of local 4N groups for three years, I've had to rein in my networking to a fair degree over the last few months because of my health issues.<br />
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But I was asked this week if I would join a new team to run the group in Lichfield, Staffordshire. As I won't be leading the group itself, just helping to run meetings, drum up interest and take admission money (among other things), I've agreed. I get on well with the new group leader, Ben Birchall, who runs an HR consultancy called Progression, so I think the team will work nicely.<br />
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The new team starts at the meeting on Thursday October 29 and I will be doing a talk about my recent run to raise money for stroke-survivor charity Different Strokes. If you're a 4N member, it would be great to see you there. If you're not and you are a business owner yourself, why not come along and find out what 4N's all about (and hear me speak, of course!)? To find out more about how 4N works, go to the website at www.4networking.biz.<br />
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Aside from that, which I see as another important step in my post-stroke rehabilitation, it's been another busy, up-and-down, week. On the plus side, I've been talking to a fellow stroke-survivor about possibly liaising on an e-book while I'm grateful to a lady I know in America, whose husband is a strokie, for suggesting that I write and self-publish a short novel. Hopefully, both ideas will be under way shortly.<br />
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College on Monday evening was slightly brain-twisting (not a good idea for a strokie, lol) but very rewarding, while Tuesday's session with <a class="_58cn" data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/breathebalancebeactivated?source=feed_text&story_id=10206786765100601" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; text-decoration: none;"><span aria-label="hashtag" class="_58cl" style="color: #627aad;">#</span><span class="_58cm">breathebalancebeactivated</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> </span>Emily was definitely of the 'if it's not hurting, it's not working' variety.<br />
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On the down side of the week, I was again reminded several times just how life as a stroke-survivor makes the mundane things in life annoyingly difficult at times. It wasn't that cold at Tamworth FC's Lamb ground on Saturday afternoon for the National League North clash with Solihull Moors, but the fact that my blood-thinning tablets leave me constantly cold made the terraces feel like the North Pole, making it near-impossible to concentrate on the game. Memo to self: Time to ditch the denim hooded jacket in favour of the thick waterproof 'football manager' coat with the 27 pockets and the several layers of warming material......<br />
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Then, there was my seemingly un-ending battle with fatigue. On at least three occasions this week, I have had to give up on the day and go to sleep for a couple of hours at downright inconvenient times while on at least two others, failure to do so has left me feeling as washed-out as an old rag.<br />
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Indeed, Mrs W and I were out on Tuesday evening with fellow members of a stroke-support group we attend when the former NHS team leader who runs the group told Carmel: "He's too tired, get him home and straight to sleep." And when Dawn tells you something, you stay told, believe me.....<br />
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One of these weeks, I will get a handle on the fatigue which plagues all stroke-survivors and as I wrote here last week, threatens my working future. This week, however, wasn't it.<br />
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<br />The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-88486031062952355412015-10-14T04:28:00.001-07:002015-10-14T04:41:37.260-07:00Another week on the strokie roller-coasterThe first thing to say is that I haven't punched or sworn at anyone this week, which might come as a relief to anyone concerned about my welfare after last week's post.<br />
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That's not to say that the week has been easy; far from it. I saw my neuropsychologist last Thursday to get the results of the brain tests which were done last month. It's fair to say that they were a mixed bag.<br />
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In some areas, the results suggested that my brain has recovered to something like what it was pre-stroke. In others, there has been little or no progress. Some of this is probably due to post-stress fatigue and the catalogue of worries which come with post-stroke life, but some of it is obviously long-term harm.<br />
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Over the last 18 months, I've come to know a lot about the idea of neuroplasticity (strokies will understand, the rest of you can Google it, lol) and I would particularly recommend a book called 'The Brain That Changes Itself' by Norman Doidge. I was given it last year by a fellow strokie and found it useful in helping me to understand how the damaged brain finds new neural pathways (again, Google it) to replace those lost or damaged through traumatic injury.<br />
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This process takes years, of course. It helps those of us who are determined to be positive because it keeps us looking forward and seeing a half-full glass, but it can't acknowledge how difficult it is to deal with the day-to-day struggles of life while recovery continues.<br />
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For instance, those results have made me question where I am going on a long-term basis. Will I ever again be fit enough to work full-time (by which I mean a five-day 40-hour week)? If not, what does a future of part-time work look like at the age of 51? Is it more financially secure than where we are now? If not, what's Plan C? Or Plan D?<br />
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The neuropsychologist wants to see us again ASAP to discuss this further. I'm trying to be positive and, as always, just take each day as it comes. But I can understand why plenty of disabled people start to wonder how much more of this they can take. And I have only one thing to deal with - I know far too many who have rather more than one.<br />
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Let's lighten the mood, shall we? This week, I broke through the £1,000 barrier in terms of sponsorship received for my recent run in aid of stroke-survivor charity Different Strokes. You can still donate at uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillow. All the proceeds will go to helping DS (differentstrokes.co.uk) maintain the Facebook group which it runs and which has been an invaluable resource for me in terms of getting help, advice and most crucially, support in difficult times.<br />
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Given that I didn't have a target in mind when I first decided to do the run, I'm pleased and proud to have generated so much. Thanks to everyone who has sponsored and supported me; if I have helped to raise the profile of DS by one iota, all that pain was worth it.<br />
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Many of you will be aware that I have a long-term goal to qualify as a counsellor. For various reasons, my latest course got off to a shaky start but things really picked up this week and I promised a fellow student that I would give it a mention in this week's blog. For obvious reasons, I don't want to go too far but if any fellow students are reading this, they'll know who they are.<br />
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Finally, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Number_sign" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: #f9f9f9; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; text-decoration: none;" title="Number sign">#</a>breathebalancebeactivatedEmily suggested this week that I start to investigate having a proper presence on YouTube, talking about my situation. It's something I've never explored because I felt it was at the edge of my very limited technological ability. I should start now. As much advice as possible would be welcome. Just don't leave me as confused as I'm starting to feel about my financial future.The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-69812772067840103302015-10-07T04:47:00.000-07:002015-10-07T05:11:52.455-07:00Pillow talk......no, not like that, lol. <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: 16px;">
I've remarked previously that I try my best to keep this blog as positive as possible: 'you don't come here to see me moan" and all that......</div>
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Unfortunately, this week, that's proving very tough to do. Admittedly, there have been good bits - the email from the Derby Telegraph at 1pm on Thursday, asking if I could go in at 1pm on Friday ("yes, of course"), the good connections made at 4Networking in Lichfield on Thursday morning, the continuing stream of donations for my charity run (go to uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillow, where I'm nearly up to £1,000) but they have been overwhelmed by incidents which have reminded me of the precarious nature of life as a stroke-survivor. </div>
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There was one on Saturday which I will mention but can't, for various reasons, expand on; there was the incident on Sunday afternoon when Mrs W had to order me out of our local branch of a well-known German discount supermarket before I got into a fight with someone; there have been the reminders that while I am unable to work, money will be a constant cause of resentment and argument at Warrillow Towers; there have been the "I'm more tired than you' arguments which all this naturally leads to; there have been the headaches, wobbly walking, fatigue, having to look at new ways of dealing with worry; there have been the fears that although I am back behind the wheel of a car, I could be just a step away from something going horribly wrong (the A5 at 9.30pm in a monsoon when the only traffic seems to be you and a host of foreign-driven 30-tonne articulated lorries is not fun); there have been the reminders that looking after my diet is more important than ever (like most, if not all, journalists, I am too used to eating on the hoof); there have been the "Why me" moments which all strokies have and which I usually tell people they should avoid; the frustrations of the useless British weather which leave me feeling more or less permanently cold and the blood-thinners I have to take which mean I bleed for England. All in all, it's not been my best week.</div>
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Thankfully, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Number_sign" style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; text-decoration: none;" title="Number sign">#</a> breathebalancebeactivatedEmily got hold of me on Tuesday, told me I needed to get some of this anger and frustration out and we started doing some boxing moves. It certainly helped (at least until Emmerdale came on the TV at Warrillow Towers last night, lol) and it's something I'm keen to pursue. She's suggested I find a handy pillow to beat the **** out of when I'm feeling like I have this week. </div>
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Certainly sounds better than beating it out of fellow shoppers, doesn't it? </div>
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The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-423371422144043442015-09-30T04:40:00.000-07:002015-09-30T04:40:22.398-07:00A naked run through the woods<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The thing about naturist events is that they are often reliant on the weather. And relying on the summer in England to produce a bright sunny day at any time is usually risky; expecting a bright sunny day on Sunday September 27 and getting one is close to miraculous.<br />
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But that's what happened for the summer's second 5km nude run at the Naturist Foundation in Orpington, Kent. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the temperature was pleasingly warm as over 100 runners, with a good gender-balance of male and female, stripped off their clothes for a run through the club's 50 acres of lush woodland park.<br />
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They were joined by at least 100 more supporters and club members, clothed and naked, who were kept busy as race marshals, timers, recorders and the like or handing out drinks of water along the course.<br />
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It could have been any club 5k run - except for all the runners being totally nude apart from running shoes and some of the women wearing sports bras.<br />
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I, of course, was one of the runners. Nineteen months on from the stroke which nearly killed me as I collapsed in the road inches away from a 47-seater bus, I was running/walking/staggering/stumbling to raise money for Different Strokes, the charity which helps younger stroke survivors.<br />
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Given that I was still walking with the help of sticks until late-July, it may seem somewhat surprising that I was able to take part in a 5k, but my finishing time didn't matter to me. What mattered was taking part and finishing, justifying the faith shown in me by my many sponsors and supporters and my amazing therapist/trainer Emily Smedley, as well as companies such as healthcurrancy.co.uk and Vivobarefoot UK who have helped my training regime. Strokies often say there is no such word as 'can't' in stroke rehab. I wanted to do this race and prove it.<br />
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A naturist race? Well, yes. Anyone who knows me will understand why it had to be naturist but it's all explained on my fundraising page at uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillow. And anyway, having been involved in naturism for over 20 years, I know that naked running is no different to clothed running and possibly easier. <br />
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When I arrived just before 11am, most people were already nude, with runners doing warm-ups around the start area or having their race numbers painted in lipstick on their arms and chests.<br />
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So I quickly stripped off, registered, got my number and a vital bottle of water and joined the rest of the field on the start line in front of the clubhouse. I managed to stay with the enthusiastic club runners (both male and female) for the first kilometre and to keep running for most of the second; after that, it was determination not to let down my sponsors which spurred me on. Much of the time, I progressed at a fast walk; some of the time, especially on the downhill stretches, I managed to break into a trot.<br />
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Many of my fellow runners had already heard why I was competing and there were frequent encouraging shouts as more athletic types went past. It was undoubtedly a boost to see Mrs W helping out at one of the water stations, as well.<br />
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I completed the run in just over 48 minutes and have a certificate to prove it. There were only three occasions when I feared I may have to give up; when I twice stumbled on the same set of stone steps built into a grassy bank and when I almost became lost right at the end of the course, unsure of whether to turn left or right at a fork in the path.<br />
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But I crossed the finishing line eventually - shattered but elated, greeted by scores of well-wishers and able to reflect on one of the proudest things I've ever done. My left ankle hurt like hell (Emily blames my training shoes, lol) and all I wanted was a chance to sit down and 'rehydrate'.<br />
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Later in the afternoon I enjoyed a much-needed swim and sauna (naked, obviously) and related my story to photographer Amelia Allen, who was there to take pictures for a project on 21st-century naturism.<br />
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Will I do it again? Definitely. The whole thing has been a tremendous experience. Naturism and naturist events are part of who I am and the fact that I was able to compete and finish means I've achieved another massive goal in my bid to start again after my stroke almost killed me.<br />
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At the time of writing, I have raised over £860 in sponsorship. When I signed up I didn't have a target in mind. Now, I'd love to get over the £1,000 mark. My page at uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillow will be open for a while yet if you would like to help.<br />
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* There are pictures of me taking part in the event and receiving my certificate. I haven't included them here because my technical ability won't let me crop them to avoid offence to those who might not approve of naturism. I don't have a problem with them, however. I have already posted them to a Facebook naturist group of which I'm a member and some of them will be appearing in a feature about the run in next month's H&E magazine (as will my regular column on naturism and disability in H&E, focusing on the run).The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-30641371276940699542015-09-23T03:05:00.000-07:002015-09-23T03:05:12.061-07:00Time for my sponsored run..... When I lay paralysed in a hospital bed in December 2013, laid low by a stroke which almost killed me when I collapsed in the middle of a busy road, I determined that when/if I got healthy-ish, I would do something to raise money for a stroke-survivor charity.<br />
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In the months since then, there have been a number of false starts and my plans have changed in a number of ways. But now the transport is booked, the hotel room for overnight accommodation is booked and at 11.30am on Sunday morning, I will stand on the starting line to do a 5km run (well, I'll run some of it....) to raise money for Different Strokes (differentstrokes.co.uk).<br />
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If you've looked at my donation page at http:uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillow, or you know my background, you might be aware that this is no ordinary 5km run. It's the nude run held twice a year by the Naturist Foundation in Orpington, Kent. Yes, I'll be doing this entirely nude (weather permitting). I probably won't even wear running shoes, because most of my training, with the amazing Emily Smedley, has been done barefoot.<br />
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This fact hasn't put off my sponsors or Different Strokes (yes, I did ask DS beforehand....) and in fact it might have inspired some of my supporters to dig a little deeper into their wallets. Obviously, decent weather is going to be important but I'm told by the organisers that the forecast for the day is mainly dry and clear. If it isn't, my DS T-shirt might come in handy....<br />
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Am I capable of doing this? Well, several months under Emily's tender care has taught me the importance of not over-thinking these things - just go out and do it. Emily keeps telling me that my body is capable, I just have to get my mind to agree. When you consider that I only threw away my walking stick for good two months ago, though, the fact that I'm doing it at all might be considered remarkable.<br />
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I do know that the support of fellow athletes on the day will be key and I expect to have a picture in my mind of all the agonising hours spent on Emily's treatment table in preparation for this, as well as the time spent running around the football pitch at Derby College and around the Castle Grounds in Tamworth. <br />
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Of course, the aim is to get to the finishing line in whatever way possible and to be able to present the all-important cheque to DS. Any money raised will go to help with the upkeep of their Facebook group, a fabulous group with over 2,000 members which is an invaluable means of support and help for stroke-survivors of all ages.<br />
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There will be pictures, although I'm not sure at this stage what form they will take. There will also be a full report at www.askthewarrior.com next week. If you want to donate at http:uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillow, the page won't close until some time after the run, so there is plenty of time. The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-89429981343532077472015-09-16T03:56:00.000-07:002015-09-16T03:56:09.508-07:00Looking on the bright side of lifeLife as a stroke-survivor can be an emotional and physical roller-coaster. Physically, for instance, I can have two really active days, then find myself unable to raise the energy to move a day later as strokie-fatigue hits. Emotionally, the ups and downs are endless. I worry about money, my health and the future, but then I think "I'm here and alive and I nearly wasn't, so what have I got to moan about?<br />
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I try to keep this blog as positive as possible, thinking that you really don't come here to listen to me moan, but I was surprised to get a message on Facebook this week from a stroke-survivor who reads my blog and wanted to know 'how I manage to be so cheerful?'<br />
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I replied pointing out that Mrs W didn't buy me a Mr Men 'Mr Grumpy' T-shirt without good reason and noting that my natural grumpiness has got worse post-stroke.<br />
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But I also explained that I don't see the need to inflict that on my readers, that writing this blog helps me to focus on the positive and cheers me up and also that I aim to give my readers something to smile about, something which too many stroke-survivors understandably find difficult.<br />
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If I have to describe a tough week, I will, but I can't deny that this week has been largely very positive at Warrillow Towers. Last Thursday for example, I returned from my regular Thursday networking breakfast to find an e-mail from the newspaper where I did some shifts last month. Could I come in tomorrow afternoon and help out, they wondered? It took a nano-second to decide my answer. I went in on Friday and did my four hours, at the end of which they asked if I could come in again this Friday?<br />
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I don't expect this to be regular work, but I'll take whatever they can give me and if it gets me a foot in the door, it can only be good.<br />
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Talking of which, I applied a few weeks ago to be on the approved speakers' list for the West Midlands Federation of Women's Institutes. I see it as somewhere to begin my paid public speaking career (talking about stroke and other things) and again, as a possible foot in the door. And my Thursday got even better when they rang unexpectedly and said that for payment of a small fee, I could join their list. The cheque is in the post to them as I write. I am curious to know how this will work out. When I know, I'll mention it here.<br />
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Then on Tuesday, I began the next stage of my counselling-skills training at a local college. It will be tough, undoubtedly tougher than the ten-week introductory course I did earlier this year and I will have to learn to manage my workload and fatigue better. But it's a big step on the road to really discovering the new post-stroke me and it was great to see that a couple of wonderful people from my first class are on the course.<br />
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Confidentiality is obviously one of the tenets of good counselling, so I can't say too much but I'm sure I'll be able to keep readers of this blog informed of my progress.<br />
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Finally, the day of my sponsored run is getting near. If you haven't already heard, it's on Sunday September 27 at the Naturist Foundation in Orpington, Kent. Full details of the run and how to donate are at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillow and I'd be grateful if you'd take a look.<br />
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I've been sorting out details of trains and accommodation this week and obviously stepping up my work with Emily Smedley of breathebalancebeactivated.com. Yes, of course it hurts. As I sit here typing, plenty of me aches horribly. But it's got to be done, I ran faster yesterday than I ever have, before or after my stroke and I enjoyed it.<br />
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And I promise not to moan about how much I ache.The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-11662092746009410312015-09-09T07:35:00.000-07:002015-09-09T07:35:01.868-07:00Being tested in all sorts of different waysYou need glasses for distance and reading, so you have varifocals. You're preparing for a 5km run later this month. So on the basis that the training has to be tougher than the event which you will be doing, your trainer takes you out on a run without your glasses.<br />
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It happened to me this week in my latest session with Emily Smedley and believe me, it's an interesting experience. I may have only been running around the perimeter of the football field at Derby College, but the fact that I could hardly see, while the field was full of clover and mushrooms, made it a test of any would-be athlete, never mind a recovering strokie. <br />
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I didn't pull a hamstring, I didn't do anything unpleasant to knees or ankles; I could say I'm almost looking forward to next week's session. And I am definitely looking forward to the event itself - it takes place at the Naturist Foundation in Orpington, Kent, on Sunday September 27. You can find more details about the event at http://www.naturistfoundation.org/BH5K_naked_run/ and if you are sufficiently motivated, you can donate to my fund-raising efforts at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillow<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 12px;">.</span></span><br />
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Yesterday, I spent much of the day having what's left of my brain tested. These neuropsychological tests were last done just before Christmas 2013 and established that both my ability to retain information and my ability to process it had been severely compromised by the stroke: "From the top 5% to the bottom 5% quicker than Aston Villa' as I put it when I do talks on the subject.<br />
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My neuropsychologist expects there to have been improvement since then and this may impact favourably on my ability to do more paid work and take another gentle step on the road to recovery.<br />
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The four hours of pen-paper and computer tests is obviously designed to test different parts of the brain. Like Emily's training, it's supposed to be difficult - and it was. I'm no expert so I have to wait until I see the neuropsychologist in a few weeks before I get answers. But while I do have issues with the way in which some areas of the NHS have dealt with me, I have full confidence that my neuropsychologist and his team are doing all they can and doing it in the right way.<br />
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I can't close this week without mentioning Tamworth CAMRA Beer Festival, which took place last Thursday-Saturday. In pre-stroke days, I was part of the set-up team but I am now in no fit state to be lugging 72-pint barrels of beer across a room (and occasionally dropping them on my foot...) or jumping up and down behind a bar for hours on end. So now I just sit and savour the wonderful atmosphere and introduce Mrs W to some of the wide and varied range of beers on offer.<br />
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I'm lucky in that my stroke and epilepsy medication still allows me to drink, although I have to know my limits. And I'd like to close by giving credit to all the hard-working volunteers who make Tamworth Beer Festival and countless events like it happen up and down the country.<br />
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Not unlike the volunteers who do so much to help stroke-survivors and their carers, really......The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-38315381367379966222015-09-02T09:21:00.001-07:002015-09-02T09:21:30.413-07:00Lend me your ears....A few weeks ago, I mentioned how I had talked to Caroline McKenna, of charitypeeks.com, for an interview to go on her regular podcast. A few technical hitches delayed publication but it is now available to listen to at http://charitypeeks.com/09-martin-warrilow-ask-the-warrier/ (Forgive the spelling errors, Caroline is working to get them fixed as I speak).<br />
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I know I'm biased but I think it's well worth a listen; as well as taking the listener through my stroke story, it also details how I've been helped in lots of ways by the charity sector. Recent well-publicised events may have caused people to be a bit wary of donating to charities or helping them in any way. I hope my interview goes some way towards dispelling those views. As far as I'm concerned, without the help and support of Headway (www.headway.org.uk), Different Strokes (www.differentstrokes.co.uk) and the Stroke Association (stroke.org.uk), I wouldn't have come as far and as fast as I have in my rehabilitation.<br />
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As regular readers will know, I'm raising funds for Different Strokes (and in particular, the Facebook group it runs) through a sponsored 'run' later this month. If you would like to know more, or would even consider sponsoring me, my donation page is at http:uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillow.<br />
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My short stint on the subs' desk at the Derby Telegraph came to an end this week. Two afternoons a week as August holiday cover was enough to show me what I'm capable of, physically and mentally, but I have told them I am keen to return and help out if they ever need a good, experienced sub. If my mental and physical health continues to improve, who knows?<br />
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I'm not done with Derby, of course. I was back there on Tuesday this week for another gruelling session at the hands of my therapist and trainer, Emily Smedley. For reasons of which I'm still not entirely sure, this week she had me doing my usual running up and down stairs and corridors without my glasses. I was surprised that I didn't find myself bumping into doors and slipping down stairs but I've no plans to complete the run without my glasses, thanks.<br />
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To straighten up my sometimes-wobbly walking, she had me walking up and down the lines on a badminton court (Go on, you try it!) before more squats to strengthen my damaged left side. It's always a struggle but Emily has done wonders for my recovery, as far as I'm concerned. Unfortunately, she's more of a cyclist than a runner, so she won't be joining me (encouraging me? threatening me?) on September 27. <br />
<br />The sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193322165562865815.post-86764241821251445792015-08-25T10:01:00.002-07:002015-08-25T10:02:27.965-07:00Getting down to businessIn last week's post, I mentioned that I'd started a daily run around Tamworth Castle Grounds in preparation for my sponsored 5km run next month in aid of stroke-survivor charity Different Strokes.<br />
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As is often the way with such things, of course, no sooner were the words out in the blogosphere than there was a glitch. While out running on Friday afternoon, in good weather and ideal ground conditions, I started to feel my left hamstring tighten. It began to get very much worse very quickly, so I stopped running, started to try to stretch it to ease the pain and gave up running for the weekend. With my now-weekly trip to Emily Smedley (breathebalancebeactivated.com) due on Monday, it seemed sensible to let her deal with it.<br />
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As soon as I reported it to Emily on Monday morning, she diagnosed the problem. I've been running barefoot during our sessions but wearing big, thick, training shoes to run around the Castle Grounds. The foot reacts differently when wearing such shoes so I really need to keep running barefoot, or in shoes with a very thin sole, she said.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0XBg_gIKPE56jzIU4KRyr10MHcmImd0AeAmOAPkMwNJp5JWbixkEE0qaWC2H3Fo2cy2Ce6ZpUhlBKk7FIrqaXUW-30glgla-pW6SYbX7Il0CY03U0byZ2S6QH68djVoshb_fedLp0dciF/s1600/CNQXcKyWUAAoQSQ.jpg-thumb.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0XBg_gIKPE56jzIU4KRyr10MHcmImd0AeAmOAPkMwNJp5JWbixkEE0qaWC2H3Fo2cy2Ce6ZpUhlBKk7FIrqaXUW-30glgla-pW6SYbX7Il0CY03U0byZ2S6QH68djVoshb_fedLp0dciF/s1600/CNQXcKyWUAAoQSQ.jpg-thumb.jpeg" /></a>Given that training shoes were the only thing I was planning to wear during my naked run, she has recommended such 'minimalist' shoes for the event itself. These can be expensive, but they will surely prove to be worth it.<br />
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And Monday morning's session was typically intense, but typically worthwhile. She resolved my hamstring problem with her usual agonising pushes, pulls and prods as I lay on her treatment couch ("Go on, you can scream and frighten the new kids'' she said as Derby College's induction day went on outside the physiotherapy room) before I began running up and down stairs, then moved out on to one of the football pitches. I surprised myself by managing a couple of laps before she upped the ante and had me testing my hamstring by dodging in and out of a series of cones.<br />
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Tired but quietly elated at having achieved that, I thought we were done. But no; we now began doing squats, which have previously proved tricky because my stroke-affected left side wouldn't come down far enough to reach the floor. As you can see from the accompanying photograph, this milestone has now been achieved. As I've kept saying throughout this process, there is no such word as 'can't' in stroke rehab. When the photo on the left was taken, back in June, what I achieved on Monday seemed a long way away. But now I've done it. I'm not saying that running 5km just 21 months after nearly being killed by a stroke will be easy - it won't. But thanks to the support of Emily and all the other people who have helped me on this journey (you know who you are), I feel it's within reach.<br />
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If you would like to give a donation, my fundraising page is at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MartinWarrillowThe sensual Strokiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15289334533180409646noreply@blogger.com0